


someone's gotta help me dig

by sunkelles



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bart Allen is Artemis's annoying little brother, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Shovel talks, Snaibsel, Snaibsel Week 2016, minor bluepulse, zatannamis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:37:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8479054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkelles/pseuds/sunkelles
Summary: Five shovel talks that Zatanna gets, and one that Artemis does.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [titaniumsansa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniumsansa/gifts).



> i don't think the title fits much. it's from the song "hollywood forever cemetery sings" by father john misty and it doesn't apply much, but it's a shovel talks fic and until i figure out a better name this one will stand 
> 
> 1\. paula goes back to her maiden name  
> 2\. i call the roy harper that's married to jade red. it's just a thing  
> 3\. the tone on this is kind of all over the place. bear with me please

1. 

 

Zatanna has met Artemis’s mom before. She’s talked to her a million times. This isn’t the first time that she has ever talked to Paula Nguyen. Artemis just introduced Zatanna as her girlfriend, though, and that seems to be a game changer. Paula’s face and shifted from a smile to a glare. Zatanna shifts uncomfortably in her chair as Artemis stands up to leave. She's just going to the bathroom, but Zatanna is left alone with Artemis's mom for the first time.

 

Zatanna's a little nervous. Scratch that, she’s a lot nervous. Paula Nguyen is still staring her down. She looks incredibly intimidating for a woman in a wheelchair. Hell, she might even look scarier than Oracle right now.

"Um," Zatanna says, "you have a very nice home." Paula glares.

"Okay," she says, "no small talk?" Paula stares her down, which Zatanna takes as confirmation. Zatanna nods, and looks away.

"Do you hate me?" Zatanna asks cautiously, "did I do something wrong?" Paula's look softens, and she laughs.

"I don't hate you. I actually trust you, Zatanna," Paula says, "but if you give me a reason not to, I still have contacts in the underworld." Zatanna nods her head, a little awkwardly. She's acknowledging that her girlfriend's mom could have her killed. This is normal, everyday stuff for a superhero. 

"Don't hurt my little girl," she says, "Artemis has already suffered so much."

"I won't," Zatanna promises, and she means it.

"I will hold you to that," Paula says, and Zatanna doesn't doubt it. Zatanna hears footsteps, and they both try to look natural as Artemis enters the room. Apparently, they fail.

"You two alright?" Artemis asks.

"Yeah," Zatanna says, "we're just fine." Paula nods, and Artemis rolls her eyes.

“Just as long as no one died,” Artemis says, “I don’t want to know.” Zatanna stifles a laugh, and Paula laughs out loud.

 

2.

 

Zatanna is on a patrol at 3 o'clock at night. She doesn't expect to run into anyone, to be honest. Maybe a petty thief. Instead, she runs into Artemis's sister. She’s wearing her mask, and grasping her knives in both hands.

"Cheshire?" Zatanna asks, "why are you here?"

"Can't a girl come talk to her sister's girlfriend?" She asks.

"Wait," Zatanna says, "are you... giving me the shovel talk?" Zatanna has already gotten this from Paula. She already knows that Huntress’s former criminal contacts will come after her if she hurts Artemis. She doesn’t really need Cheshire to add onto this. Cheshire removes her mask, and Zatanna looks into Jade Nguyen’s steely grey eyes.

“Yes,” she says, and she sounds determined. Zatanna laughs nervously. Jade glares at her, and twirls one of her knives in her hand. Zatanna quiets herself.

"She just lost Wally," Cheshire says, "break her heart, and I'll slit your throat." Zatanna shivers. She tries not to, but it’s hard. Zatanna is terrified of Jade Nguyen. Cheshire is a world class assassin, and ever since Artemis died and they reconnected, she's been downright territorial. Hurting Artemis would be like hurting Lian, and Zatanna doesn't want to think of what Jade would do in either case. Jade puts the mask on again, and becomes Cheshire once more.

“Hurt my sister,” she says, “and you die.” Cheshire leaps off the roof, and Zatanna takes a shaky breath. She hadn’t been planning on breaking her heart, but now she has two more good reasons not to.

 

3.

 

Zatanna and Artemis and been dating for months now. It’s Lian’s birthday, and Zatanna has been promoted to “constant plus one”. Which means that she gets to go see Jade Nguyen and act like the woman doesn’t scare the shit out of her.  
  
Great. Wonderful. Fantastic.

It's just Zatanna, Red and Lian in the living room, and Zatanna doesn't think anything of it. She’s almost relieved that both Paula and Jade are out of the room, at least, until Red takes a pocket knife out of his shoe.

"I bet Paula and Jade have already given you the shovel talk," Red says. He fiddles with the tiny little knife as his toddler sits on the ground and swings her plastic keys around.

"Yeah," Zatanna says, "they have." Red nods.

"Good," he says, "I just want to add this. If you hurt her, I'll put an an arrow through your eye." Red places his knife back into his boot, and follows joins the rest of them in the kitchen.

“Oh come on,” Zatanna mutters. Red laughs as he stands up and makes his own way towards the kitchen.

“It’s overkill,” he says, “I know, but Artemis is worth it. Girl’s been through a lot.” Zatanna nods. She can’t disagree with that. Artemis has been through enough shit in her life that she deserves a good partner who treats her right. It’s just that Zatanna actually plans to be that person. She doesn’t need everyone to threaten her in order to do that.

Lian smiles at her.

"Are you gonna threaten me too?" Zatanna asks. Lian giggles, and throws her plastic keys at her. Zatanna really hopes that's a no.

 

4. 

 

Zatanna doesn't work with members of the Team. She’s a part of the League now, and League and Team business don’t intercept much. She knows that because she and Artemis almost never see each other while doing mission stuff.

She’s sitting on a bench in the Watchtower, messing around on her phone. Then she sees a yellow blur in front of her.

“Oh,” she says, “Kid Flash?” She doesn’t know why this Kid Flash would want to talk to her. The only time that she really talked to him was before they got Blue Beetle off mode.

That was mainly just him frantically asking questions and her assuring him, “Yes, we can save Blue Beetle. Blue Beetle will be fine, yes I’m sure Kid Flash. Please stop vibrating. He'll be _fine!_ ” Would this be about that? Or maybe Artemis?

Artemis talks about him a lot. Somehow he wormed his way into being like her annoying little brother. Which is kind of weird, in Zatanna’s opinion, that Artemis’s new annoying little brother is wearing her dead boyfriend’s costume now. But there are a lot of weird, uncomfortable things that come from being a superhero.

She had to work with the man controlling her father’s body to get Blue Beetle off mode, which was the second hardest thing that she's done in her life. There was a new guy in the Robin costume three months after Robin II died. Kaldur is now in charge of a bunch of children that just a few months ago thought he was a traitor. The world is funny like that. Zatanna just tries not to dwell on how absurd and uncomfortable superherodom is anymore.

“Zatanna,” he says. He suddenly seems awkward, and nervous. Which is weird, because Kid Flash doesn’t seem like a nervous person. His old code name was _Impulse_ , and it always seemed like he rushed headfirst into things without thinking them through.

“Yes?”

“YouandArtemisaredating,” he says. The only reason that Zatanna can understand that it because she has ears trained to flip words around and work out certain phrases.

“Yes,” she says, “we are.”

"I can create a whirlwind and suck the air from it," he says, "I can vibrate my hand through your chest.”

“Not again,” Zatanna mutters. Either Kid Flash doesn’t hear that, or doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Artemis is like a big sister to me and she mighta been family,” he says. Zatanna doesn’t even wait for the actual threat.

"Did Grandpa Flash give this talk to your boyfriend?" Zatanna asks, "is that where you got this idea?" Kid Flash nods, like the prospect is “fun” and “exciting”. Zatanna is never going to understand this kid.

"Yup," he says, "apparently this is how you show you love someone in this decade. It's _so_ retro." The way he says it makes it sound like shovel talks are a cool new trend, which takes away any of the fear his performance generated.

"This is the worst shovel talk I've gotten," Zatanna says.

"Wait," he says, "I'm the least scary?" Zatanna nods.

"Less scary than Paula?" He asks again. It’s a bit weird that this scrawny little boy is on a first name basis with Artemis’s mom when she literally still calls her “Ms. Nguyen”.

"Have you ever met Paula Nguyen?" Zatanna asks. Bart nods, conceding to her point.

"Honestly," she says, "your name’s Kid Flash. How scary did you think you were?"

"Blue says I'm scary," he says adamantly.

"Blue would say you had purple hair if you asked him to," Zatanna says. Kid Flash blushes.

“Um, well,” he says, “I-“ His face is red, and he looks totally done with this conversation.

“I’ll be gone in a flash,” he says. Then Kid Flash is gone in a blur of yellow. Zatanna laughs. She did not feel sufficiently intimidated today.

 

5. 

 

Apparently, the universe heard that she wasn’t intimidated by Kid Flash. It decided to send someone else after her to make up for it.

 

She’s in an alleyway, running patrols. Then she sees a large, white man in a hockey mask. She knows that can’t be good. It might be a serial killer. It takes her a moment to realize that it’s Supermaster, Artemis’s godawful father. She thinks that she would have preferred a serial killer.

"Sportsmaster," she growls.

“Zatanna Zatara,” he drawls, “nice to finally metcha. Sorry I couldn’t see you at one of the family reunions. I’m not invited to those, nowadays.” He sounds almost insulted, like he didn’t earn every bit of disdain every member of his family has for him.

"What do you want," she grinds out.

"I heard you're dating Tigress," he says.

"What's it to you?" She demands. Sportsmaster’s face hardens.

"You'd better not hurt her," he says, "Cheshire's gone soft, but _I_ will end you." He sounds serious, serious enough to kill her, but Zatanna's not worried. She's just pissed off.

"She doesn't want anything to do with you," Zatanna says. Out of all the people who have threatened her, Sportsmaster has the least right. Artemis loves the rest of them, but Sportsmaster has no fucking right to speak for her, none at all. Assuming he ever had that right he lost it _years_ ago.

"Don't hurt my baby girl," he says.

"I wasn't planning to," she grinds out. Sportsmaster nods, and turns around. He goes the other way. Zatanna considers following him to drag him in to prison, but she’s already angry enough tonight. Artemis doesn’t want to have to think about him either.

 

 

\+ 1. 

 

 

Artemis stands on a rooftop. She is trying to scan the city before she starts her patrols. Doctor Fate lands on the roof in a whoosh of golden fabric. Giovanni Zatara is in there somewhere, and Artemis is dating his daughter. The daughter that he didn’t get to watch grow up. The daughter he hasn’t been able to talk to in years. She glares, and hopes that Giovanni understands it is intended for Nabu.

“Artemis Crock,” Doctor Fate bellows, his own voice superimposed over Giovanni’s.

“I have a codename for a _reason,”_ Artemis says. Sure, everyone in the criminal underworld and involved in the League knows who she is, but not everyone on the _planet_ knows that Tigress is Artemis Crock. She’s prefer to keep it that way.

“Tigress then,” he corrects.

“Doctor Fate,” Artemis says, hoping that her voice doesn’t crack. She doesn’t know what to do. She knows that Giovanni is in there somewhere, but she doesn’t know if he knows about her and Zatanna. She doesn’t know how to tell him either. Nabu tends to leave in a huff whenever people try to talk to his host.    
  
“I came to speak with you,” he says. Artemis nods awkwardly. She doesn’t know why Nabu would want to speak to her.

"Giovanni Zatara loves his daughter," Doctor Fate says. Artemis sends him a startled look. This was definitely not what she expected from Nabu.

“You are her partner, are you not?” Doctor Fate asks. The wording is awkward. It’s not the way that Artemis would have said it, but she nods anyway. She is dating Zatanna. She’s in love with her, and she wants to keep dating her for the foreseeable future.

"Harm her, and you will make my life difficult. You do not want that, Tigress," Doctor Fate says, Nabu's voice over Zatara's. She's sure those aren't the words Giovanni would have used, but Nabu is telling her this because of him. She can feel tears prickling at her eyelashes.

"I won't, Zatara," she says, "I promise. I love her." Doctor Fate doesn't smile, but Artemis likes to think that makes Giovanni Zatara happy.

"You had better," Doctor Fate says. Then he flies off the rooftop and leaves Artemis alone on that rooftop with her thoughts. She tries to finish patrols that night, but she can’t. She’s an emotional mess, and she gives up halfway through and comes home. Zatanna is already lounging on the couch, reading a fashion magazine.

"How'd patrols go?" Zatanna asks, not looking up from her magazine. Artemis doesn’t speak. She doesn’t think that she can steady her voice. Zatanna gets concerned. She sets her magazine down and sends Artemis a concerned look.

"What's wrong?" Zatanna says, "talk to me, Artemis."

"I um, I saw Doctor Fate tonight," Artemis says. Zatanna freezes.

"What did he say?" She asks. Her voice cracks at the end. She can see the beginnings of tears forming, and Artemis doesn’t know if this will make it better or worse. She doesn’t know how Zatanna’s going to feel about what she has to say.

"He- uh, he told me I couldn't break your heart, because it would make your dad sad," she says. It sounds so lackluster compared to what happened. Artemis has never been good at telling stories, but it seems to be enough for Zatanna. Her eyes are already wet with tears. Artemis sits down on the couch beside her, and Zatanna throws her arms around her. Zatanna cries into her shoulder and Artemis wraps her arms around her.

“I’m sorry, Zee,” Artemis says, holding Zatanna a little tighter. Zatanna makes a strained noise into her neck. It might be a sob.

"He's still in there but I- I can't get to him," she says. Artemis squeezes her a little tighter. She doesn’t know what to say to make this better. She doubts if there is anything that _can_ make it better. Zatanna sobs a little more, and then finally pulls out of the hug. She wipes her tears, but leaves wet streaks all over her face. Her eyelashes sparkle with tears.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Zatanna says.

“Zee,” Artemis says, “whatever it is, you can wait. You don’t have to tell me right now.”

“No,” she says, “it’s related. My dad-“ Zatanna grimaces as she realizes that her words aren’t accurate.

“ _Doctor Fate_ gave you the shovel talk,” Zatanna says. Her eyes are a little red, and still wet with tears.

“Yes,” Artemis says, “he did.” She doesn’t know where Zatanna’s going with this, but she’s going to let her finish.

“I didn’t mention it,” Zatanna says, “but basically your whole family has given it to me.”

“Wait, what?” Artemis asks.

“Your mom, your sister, your brother-in-law,” Zatanna says.

“Wait,” Artemis says, “Red did?” Artemis totally believes that her mom and sister did, but she just couldn’t see _Roy Harper_ doing anything like that.

“He did,” Zatanna says, “and so did Kid Flash.” Artemis actually laughs at that.

“I bet that one went well.”

“I was scared out of my mind,” Zatanna says, mock seriously. Artemis laughs a little more.

“Was there anyone else?” Artemis asks, “I need to tell them to stay out of my love life.” Zatanna looks away, like she doesn’t really want to say whatever else she has to say.

“Zee,” Artemis says, “what is it?”

“Sportsmaster did too,” Zatanna says.

“Fuck that,” Artemis growls, “he has _no_ right to do that. He’s never cared about me.” Zatanna nods, and looks away. There’s an awkward silence that has settled over both of them. It’s a lot to take in. Artemis doesn’t even really know what this means. She guesses that it means Zatara still has some control over Nabu, and that he still loves Zatanna as much as ever. Artemis doesn’t know what her own father’s means, and she doesn’t care. At least she’s trying not to. She’s never been as good at sealing her heart off as she wishes.

“I’m sorry my family threatened to kill you,” Artemis says. It's awkward, but she thinks it's a good way to break the tension. Zatanna cracks a smile. 

“I’m sorry mine threatened to kill you,” Zatanna adds. _This_ is the life of a superhero. Really fucking weird in every sense of the word, but worthwhile too. 

Zatanna shifts on the couch. She lies her head on the armrest and drapes her legs over Artemis's lap. 

“Turn something on tv,” Zatanna says, “I don’t want to think anymore.” Artemis grabs the remote and turns on a silly holiday romcom. They laugh, and they joke, and they almost feel normal for a little bit.

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Get Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10417269) by [titaniumsansa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniumsansa/pseuds/titaniumsansa)




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